The “Secret Sauce” in this 30-year Marriage!

Reignite a True Love Connection with special guests Pastor Darold and Co-Pastor Karen Montgomery from Life-Changing Experience Worship Center, Pensacola, FL. They will share the secret sauce that has added flavor to their marriage for over 30 years! Join my Co-Host, Sylvia Shipman, and myself, Searita Jones, for this conversation on “A Burning Love Moment!”

Interview Transcription

Below is a transcription fo part of the interview! Watch the video for the entire show.

Searita Jones:
Right into it. We are just going to start with our questions, and we want to know about that secret sauce because you two have been married over 30 years, and I am saying, “What has kept you in love?”

Pastor Darold:
Be true to our vows from a covenant standpoint. We never looked at the vows from a contract standpoint.

Searita Jones:
Yes.

Pastor Darold:
What we promised to do to each other and to God, we took that serious individually. I believe when we formed that threefold cord, then God blesses what we do. We take each other seriously. While at the same time, we don’t take each other seriously because the reason why we like each other is because we are best friends. We laugh. I think laughter is one of the things that if you don’t have in your marriage, to be able to laugh with your spouse and sometimes even laugh at your spouse, you are going to miss a friend moment that can bridge the gap between irregularities, and you’re going to have those states. You got to be able to have a friend. What that brings me to is the three types of love: Phileo, that’s friendship.

Pastor Darold:
You got Agape. That’s that God type of love. Then you have the Eros, that is the romantic or erotic, where we get erotic love. Sometimes when we’re having difficulties or irregularities, we have to shift from one love to the next to get us back to what we need to because sometimes she doesn’t like me, but she always loves me. She has to lean on Agape or even Phileo to get us back to Eros, you understand what I’m saying.

Searita Jones:
I understand what you’re saying.

Pastor Darold:
We’ve tried to do that over the years, and we sneak off every now and then, because you got to take time for yourself. I think biggest thing that has worked for us is we work as a team. We work as a team. We don’t do anything. One of the things that I teach when we do premarital stuff and we do our wedding stuff, we do our marriage couples and all of that, is you give up the ‘I’ for the ‘we’. You understand that principle to give up the ‘I’ for the ‘we’ and work as a team, there’s nothing you cannot accomplish. I thank God for this, I think I did.

Searita Jones:
I know that’s right. It’s so true and you have to work as a team. To be willing to take the good with the bad and to honor your vows. I think that’s why there’s a lot of divorces because people are not honoring the vow, the covenant they made not only themselves, but with God. They forget that they made a covenant with God, and ready to throw in the towel when things get rough and smooth as you want it to go. Sylvia.

Sylvia Shipman:
Yeah. I wholeheartedly agree. Even in this, and pastor, you can help us out, Pastor Karen in Montgomery. In this pandemic that we’re in, so many people that have lost that sauce. As you know, the divorce rate has gone up and even in the body of Christ. What can you share with our listeners about how to bring that sauce back in? Because you said a powerful thing that when you don’t honor the contract, you’re honoring that commitment that you made that vow and building upon that love. What can you help the listeners with that are finding it hard during this time and literally throwing in the towel and saying, it’s done? How can they bring that sauce back in? Get those juices back going again.

Pastor Karen Montgomery:
I think that’s a good question. One of the things pastor and I have found over the years that we have to do, Sister Sylvia, is we have to sometime reinvent the wheel. I know people think that you shouldn’t, but sometimes we go through different stages and ages in our lives, and we’re not the same people we were when we were 20. We got married when we were in our twenties. One thing we do is we keep doing something else to bring back the spice. Like you said, in our twenties, we didn’t have to go off to spice up things because the spice was still there. Now we’re in our fifties. We do have to go out. We make it a point to do things together. I think that’s one of the things that has kept the spice because we’ve always made it a point, even though our lives are super busy, to do things together. Just about everything we do, we still at this point do it together.

Pastor Karen Montgomery:
I believe that is one of the secret sauce that has kept our marriage strong, healthy and invigorating. Just with a lot of fun, we like to have fun together. That’s the main thing. You got to smile and you got to laugh. You got to just let your guard down sometimes and do things out the box that you wouldn’t normally do such as, one of the things I want to do for my birthday, which was super out the box before the pandemic came was I wanted to do that break out of jail thing. What is that called? The escape room. This is not him, but do you know he did it with me? Sometimes the times we have to compromise and do things with our spouses that we wouldn’t normally want to do. That did the world for me when he did that.

Pastor Karen Montgomery:
I know that’s not his thing, but we did the break out of jail while we had on orange jumpsuits, the pastors. We had on our little orange jumpsuits when we did it. We just have fun, you have to bring that. If you lost the fun, bring it back. Bring it back into your marriage. Of course pray about it. We are always very prayerful, and we continue to ask God to give us wisdom in the marriage because you need it. We need it. Especially in this time where we’re in a home together, 24/7, you kind of need to ask God to give you what you need during this marriage.

Searita Jones:
Yeah, love it. I love it. We’re all Christians, we’re all believers in Christ. A lot of people on the outside world believed that you can’t have fun when you’re following Christ. That is the furthest thing from the truth. Can you tell us some of the things that you do? I know you said the escape room, but what are some other things that you two do to have fun?

Pastor Darold:
Well, one of the things we try to do being that we’re not only married in ministry, even we try to bring this same mindset to the church. Not just America with the marriage ministry, but to the entire church to have balance. Balance is huge in our ministry. I don’t want anybody to think that because you’re a Christian, because you’re saved, that you cannot have fun. We do all kinds of things to have fun. At the church and here’s how: 2120 Jazz, our year-end celebrations are epic in the city. We don’t do watch night. We drop in balloons. We got music, we got the arts on display. We do all kinds of stuff. We got 80s nights that we’re doing. We’re going on marriage retreats. Everybody’s dressing up in 70s. All kinds of stuff because God does not get offended when his children have fun. Believers miss that because they think they’re going to offend God if they laugh. What happens is if they develop that mentality and you don’t know how to enjoy each other, that creates a wedge and the enemy can slip in through any crack you give him.

Pastor Darold:
Sometimes I tickle her. I know how to make her laugh. They clown on me left and right. I told him, I’m going to put some cameras up in the house. I’m going to make me some money. I’m going to call Oprah and say, “You want a reality show?” You need to see that. They let me have it. I wouldn’t have it any other way at all because this is my buddy, this is my best friend. This is my ride or die. Whatever colloquialism you want to use, she’s that. I just love it.

Pastor Darold:
As long as it doesn’t offend God, as long as it doesn’t offend heaven, as long as it doesn’t contradict with the scriptures, we’re rolling. We’re going to go out to eat. We’re going to have fun. We know we can’t necessarily do the club thing, so we try to create atmosphere that the church, so the saints can have, what was the thing we did the year before? They got to dance and do their thing. We do so much, I’m trying to remember which one it was. Our Twitter award show is a big hit at the church, and different things that we do so that the saints can have an outlet. They can enjoy each other. Leave the kids at home so we can come in and just have fun because saints need that. Marriages need that. All this stuff is going on, we need a reason to laugh. Do not lose that ability to have fun with each other because if you lose that, you create a crack and the enemy needs just a sliver to get in. You try to keep him out with whatever we got.

Love

What do you think is the greatest need in the world today? If we had more, blank, the world would be a better place. Well, I believe that the greatest need that we have today is for more love. Now, one thing we all have in common is the need to be loved. And whenever I hear someone make a statement, “Oh, I don’t want to be loved.” I find that very hard to believe because we were created out of love.

So, we all have a natural desire to be loved because that is a part of our makeup and how we were designed. Have you ever been missing something in your life and you just didn’t know what it was? Well, I find that some individuals who suffer from drug abuse and addiction, that they’re looking for something, and sometimes that something is love. That’s a major component that’s missing from most of their lives.

When I think about Jesus, was there anyone that he did not love? I believe he loved the prostitute, that tax collector, the diseased people, he loved the children, he loved his disciples. That’s who Jesus was. He was about love. And what is absolutely wonderful about his love is that it’s the same today as it was over 2,000 years ago. His love for us never changes. And as children of God, how do we stand out from everybody else?

How are we different? How will anyone know that we are children of the most high God? They will know by our love. Let’s look at John 13:34 through 35. “A new commandment,” this is Jesus speaking, “a new commandment I give to you that you love one another as I have loved you that you also love one another. And by this all, and will know that you are my disciples.”

This was a commandment to you and me. Not a request, but a commandment, which means do it. A part of loving is forgiving. Many people are missing love because they have chosen not to forgive. We must start to forgive one another. I know people do things that hurt us. They betray us, they lied, they steal, they cheat, they talk bad about us, but we must learn to forgive. And the best example of forgiveness is displayed when Jesus was hung on the cross and he cried out on behalf of those who crucified him, those who nailed it to the cross, Jesus asked God to forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.

My prayer is that we learn to let go and let God. Some of us may say, Oh, that was Jesus, I can’t do it. You don’t want your life to end and there is unforgiveness in your heart. It’s not worth it. And because none of us know when our life will be required of us, it’s better to forgive and live in the freedom that it brings. Forgiveness brings about a spiritual release from bondage.

Well, you might say what if the person you are trying to love doesn’t receive it? That’s okay. It doesn’t matter if they receive it or not. What is important is that we obey a command from Jesus. Loving others isn’t always easy, but we must do it. And sometimes we try to change people to be who we think that they should be. That’s not our job. Instead, just love them just the way they are.

The Bible says that love is patient and love is kind. You and I can only give love if our hearts are full of God’s love. So, if anyone come in contact with us, I pray that they will know we are followers of Christ by our love. Proverbs 3:3 says, “Let love and faithfulness never leave you. Bind them around your neck, write them on the tablets of your heart.”

What do you think? You may also comment below, leave a prayer request, give a testimony, or even a praise report. Remember, you don’t have to travel this journey alone. Don’t give in, don’t give out, and don’t give up.

What Should I Do If I’m In A Toxic Relationship?

Hello everyone, my name is Searita. This is Burning Love Outreach.

I want to thank you for listening to a Burning Love Moment.

Today’s topic is “What Should I Do if I’m in a Toxic Relationship?

Full Transcription

Hello everyone, my name is Searita. This is Burning Love Outreach.

I want to thank you for listening to a Burning Love Moment.

Today’s topic is “What Should I Do if I’m in a Toxic Relationship?

Well, it is well-known that in a marriage, if a partner suffers from substance abuse, cheating, or lying, that relationship is most likely heading downhill.

If someone in a relationship drinks too much, uses drugs, are lying, or cheating, the effects are going to be detrimental and will be felt by their children, their family, their friends, their co-workers, or anyone who has close contact with them. Aside from the abuser, the most hurt is often felt by the other person in the relationship. When one in a relationship suffers from any or all of these issues, you can bet there’s tension and both are often very unhappy. These problems usually create distance between the couple. Often, if an issue like this exists with one of the partners, there’s usually fighting, arguing that takes place, which could become violent.

There Is Hope!

If you or your partner is having a problem with alcohol, drugs, lying, or cheating, there is hope. There are several signs that your relationship is in trouble to the point that help from a pastor, a counselor or a treatment professional may be needed.

So you may ask, “Well, how will I know that my relationship may be toxic? What signs should I look out for?”

If arguments about money, staying out late, not taking care of responsibilities are taking place, your relationship may be toxic. If you’re having to cover for your partner by making excuses for him or her such as reporting to a boss or a co-worker that the individual is “sick” and won’t be into work, that may be a sign. If a partner state that they use drugs or cheat or lie because there is so much tension in the home and there’s so much stress, that’s a cop-out. An intervention is needed.

Clear Signs of a Toxic Relationship.

If domestic violence takes place in the home, intervention is needed. If the relationship or family as a whole becomes isolated from friends or relatives, intervention is needed. If only one of these signs is present in a marriage, it may be time for you to take stock in that relationship and do something to make it better. Whatever the problem is, it needs to be identified and addressed. It’s not unusual to hope that these things will take care of themselves over a period of time, but unfortunately, that rarely happens. The best thing to do is to get help for the issues as soon as possible. If you don’t, the problems are very likely to get worse.

What Can You Do?

Many different treatments are available that can be effective to individuals who have problems with alcohol, drugs, cheating, and lying. Some treatments involve individual counseling, some involve group counseling, and some involves self-help meeting and support groups. If you have a problem, it is worth it to enter treatment not only for you, but also for your partner, for your children, for your friends and family. This is one of the best things that you can do for your relationship. But what if your partner does not think they want to get help or don’t think that they have a problem? They may not want to be involved in counseling. Actually, some programs have help for family members and work with this very issue. They can give you some ideas and information on motivating your partner to get the help that they need. And these approaches are often very successful.

The important point is substance abuse, cheating, and lying causes damage to a marriage or a relationship, and these problems need to be treated. If the issues are not treated, there will always be conflict, there will always be arguing and fighting taking place. And we want to see our relationships work and recommend spiritual counseling and treatment for the issues.

We Are Here to Help.

If you need additional help, please do not hesitate to reach out to Burning Love Outreach.

You can leave a comment below, submit a prayer request, or even share a testimony or a praise report with us.

Also, we would love to have you partner with us by donating to this outreach with either a one-time donation or become one of our monthly donors.

Remember, you don’t have to travel this journey alone. At Burning Love Outreach, we speak out loud so others don’t have to suffer in silence. Please don’t give in, don’t give out, and don’t give up. Thank you for joining us for a burning love moment.

DONATE Burning Love Outreach

How to Handle Relationship Stress

Hello, everyone. My name is Sarita and this is Burning Love Outreach.

I want to thank you for listening to A Burning Love Moment. Today’s topic is tips on how to handle relationship stress. I will discuss how to handle stress without losing your sense of peace or damaging your relationship.

Full Transcription

Whenever stress enters a relationship, it has the potential to create what I call the three D’s, which are, distance, disagreements, and disconnection between you and your spouse. When you support your spouse, when he or she is stressed, not only can you learn how to deal with stress and relationships, you’ll also create a new level of intimacy that actually brings you both closer. Relationship stress is never easy, but it’s a part of life.

If your spouse has been the one holding down your relationship, there will come a time when he or she will become tired, then you’ll be expected to hold things down. You need to be able to step in and do what needs to be done at that moment. You may find it hard to help your spouse when he or she is stressed out, but your assistance might help you both be the source that each other can count on. You should always be able to count on each other, to be there if you become tired. Stress can cause a wide range of problems. Usually, when people are under a lot of stress, they become distracted, withdrawn, and even less affectionate. When we’re under stress, our worst traits usually show their faces. And if relationship stress was already a problem, it will most likely increase and you will see it.

So how does your partner handle stress? You should know the answer to that question, even if you have to come right out and ask them. But please don’t ask this question at the time that they’re stressed out. Let this question be a topic of conversation over dinner, because you want to know how to help them when they need it most. That’s how much you care. You want to be their source of strength and never lose sight of your spouse’s stress level. If you do, that means you two aren’t communicating and you are not connecting as you should. It is so important to recognize when you’re dealing with a stressed out partner. How you connect is key when it comes to stress and relationships. It feels really good when you and your spouse are on the same page emotionally, right? Yes. So there is nothing like close emotional bond, when you know you can lean on each other through the good times and the bad times.

Even though stress appears in every relationship, you have a choice as to respond lovingly or to respond negatively. And I hope you choose to respond lovingly. Support your partner, show compassion, keep the lines of communication open. One of the best ways to deal with relationship stress is to talk things out. Don’t hold it in. Although our words have power, we must remember to listen as much as you speak. It may surprise you as to how quickly you can work towards a solution together. Make sure your environment is calm, care for your body, prioritize relaxation, and get proper sleep. Eliminate those electronics at night before you go to bed to create a peaceful atmosphere where you can rest without any interruptions. A key in handling stress is relaxation. Make sure you’re getting proper rest at night and proper sleep, and make sure you take time to take a deep breath from time to time, breathe and let it out.

If you need additional help, please do not hesitate to reach out to Burning Love Outreach.

You can submit a prayer request or a testimony, or you could even give a praise report.

Also, we would love to have you partner with us by donating to this outreach with a one-time donation or become one of our monthly donors.

Remember, you don’t have to travel this journey alone. At Burning Love Outreach, we speak out loud so others don’t have to suffer in silence.

Hold on, and remember, don’t give in, don’t give out, and don’t give up.

Thank you for listening to A Burning Love Moment.

DONATE Burning Love Outreach

Should I Leave My Husband Or Wife If They Have An Addiction?

Marriage is a beautiful commitment between two people, and it can be filled with many emotional times, such as happy times, sad times, exciting times, and even difficult times. When couples are joined together as one, there is a promise made to stick it out through the good times and the bad times. However, if one of them becomes a victim of addiction, that marriage will most likely be in trouble. Addiction will negatively impact any relationship making it hard to decide if you should stay or if you should go.

Should I Leave or Should I Stay?

I’m a believer that once you commit to your spouse, you have promised to be with them. You have made a promise before God, and you have made a promise before them, so you should do everything in your power to make it work as long as you can remain safe. Many in this predicament often wonder, “Should I leave or should I stay?” but honestly, it all depends on your particular individual circumstances. I highly recommend that you seek spiritual counseling; however, it may be time to leave if there’s a danger to yourself or others. You don’t want to put yourself or your children in a dangerous situation.

What is a Dangerous Situation?

If the user is verbally or physically abusing anyone in the family, you’re in a dangerous situation. If they use drugs in front of other family members, if they are stealing, or if money or things, such as electronics or valuables all of a sudden become missing, and if you find that the user is always involved in chaos and confusion because of their substance abuse, you and your children could be in danger.

Now, we all have different tolerance levels. Some people will tolerate it more than others. For some of us, it only takes one sign of danger towards our family, especially our children, for us to decide to leave or to stay. At the same time, someone else may experience all the signs that it’s time to leave, and they still may be confused as to what they should be doing in this situation. Let me make this clear. If anyone’s safety is at stake, then it is time to seriously consider leaving. Sometimes it may be best to leave a relationship with an addicted spouse. When you can have time and space from one another, this often allows the non-user to experience life without dealing with addiction issues and their consequences.

Living With An Addicted Spouse?

Let me be brutally honest with you. It’s pure hell living with the person who has addiction issues. I’ve been on both sides of this. I’ve been the non-user and the user. If you decide to separate yourself from the addicted spouse, maybe that’s the wake-up call they’ll need, and it will open their eyes to get them back on track where they need to be and ask for help. Just because you decide to leave doesn’t mean that you have left the relationship for good. Try not to decide to leave your addicted spouse when you are angry or upset. Be in a calm state of mind whenever you have to make crucial decisions. You should carefully think about all your options and what is overall best for your family.

Many people try to stick it out for various reasons, such as for the sake of the children, because of financial reasons, because of their living situation, or they may be afraid of the unknown. Picking up and possibly having to start their lives all over again with children, that’s not an easy decision to make.

The Benefits of Leaving?

Look, no matter how you slice this cake if children are involved, leaving will become more difficult, or you may be that person who decides, “Because of my children, I must leave.” Kids know what’s going on. No matter how hard we try to protect and keep things from them, we can’t fool them. Don’t think they can’t sense or feel what’s happening in the home. They know when things are not right, and they absorb everything. If they are subjected to constant arguing, bickering, fighting, and abuse, they may be scarred emotionally, and you don’t want your children scarred. This is why it is essential to get the user into a treatment program to heal and be suitable for their family.

Becoming A Single Parent?

What if the addicted spouse is the primary breadwinner in the family? This is hard for individuals who find themselves in this situation because they know they will struggle on their own, and who wants to struggle? You know what? They choose to stay because they feel like they have no other choice. Having a place to call home that’s security and without that security, staying with the addicted spouse seems like the only option, especially when you have children to consider.

Leaving can be overwhelming, and I highly recommend you seek counseling. No matter what, remember, help is always available. The final decision whether to stay or to leave is up to the non-addicted spouse. Hopefully, the active user will realize that they need help and are willing to help their problem before it destroys their life. Treatment can provide what is necessary for a successful recovery. Relationships can get better if both parties are willing to work hard and get the proper help that they need.

Reach Out To Us

Here at Burning Love Ministry, we support you, and we encourage you today to please reach out to us.

You can leave a prayer request there here.

You can reach out to us here.

You can look at some of the other blogs that we have here.

Find us on social media!

We’re on Facebook,  Instagram,  LinkedIn and YouTube.

You can reach out to Burning Love Outreach on any of these platforms, and we are more than willing to help you.

For those of you who have partnered with us, we thank you so much!

If you haven’t partnered with us and you feel called to, we can continue to put this word out and continue to help those addicted to drugs and addiction. Please click here to donate.

You don’t have to travel on this journey alone. At Burning Love Outreach, we speak out loud, so others don’t have to suffer in silence. Hold on, and remember don’t give in, don’t give up, and don’t give out.

How to Trust Yourself After Failure – Addiction Recovery

Relearning how to trust yourself is an essential part of a successful recovery. Self-trust will help you believe in yourself.

How to Start

Once you start believing in yourself, you would develop a mindset to work hard at your rehabilitation. Then you will be less likely to give up, and your journey towards sobriety will most likely be successful. Self-trust is like having an internal GPS. You know where to go next, you trust your decisions, both big and small, and you’re willing to take risks. I like that because when you start to rely on yourself, you won’t fear the failure of making a mistake. The process of restoring your self-trust will take time, patience, and commitment, but it is possible.

Become someone that you can rely on. Please take on the mindset of learning to be reliable and accountable to yourself. Do your best to keep promises, to be on time, stick to the goals that you’ve set, show up for yourself, and show up for others.

Don’t Forget to Celebrate

Acknowledge your accomplishments. Celebrate the mini-milestones and victories along the way. This will help build your confidence, which is key to building self-trust. Focus on the now. Dwelling on past mistakes would do you no good. That actually will hold you back. But developing a new relationship with yourself and leaving the past behind is going to benefit you. After you’ve done this, set and achieve goals. If you set yourself up to win, you will boost your belief in your own abilities. Be patient with yourself and the process. Your recovery is a lifelong process, and you may have relapses, you may fall, but if you do get up, dust yourself off and start the process all over again. Learn from all your mistakes. Remember, you are accountable to only yourself.

Reach Out To Us

Here at Burning Love Ministry, we support you, and we encourage you today to please reach out to us.

You can leave a prayer request there here

You can reach out to us here

You can look at some of the other blogs that we have here.

Find us on social media!

We’re on Facebook; we’re on Instagram, we’re on LinkedIn and YouTube.

You can reach out to Burning Love Outreach on any of these platforms, and we are more than willing to help you.

For those of you who have partnered with us, we thank you so much.

If you haven’t partnered with us and you feel called to, so we can continue to put this word out and continue to help those addicted to drugs and addiction. Please click here to donate.

Remember, you don’t have to travel on this journey alone. At Burning Love Outreach, we speak out loud, so others don’t have to suffer in silence. Hold on, and remember don’t give in, don’t give up, and don’t give out.

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Should You Trust Someone After Lying?

Should You Trust Someone After Lying?

Trust is essential in every relationship. I don’t care what type of relationship you are in. There must be trust. Trust is the result of trustworthy actions. Should you trust someone after they have lied to you?

Should You Trust Someone That Has Lied To You?

I want you to ask yourself this question, have I ever lied and was sorry about the lie that you told? If your answer is yes, then yes, you should trust a person who has lied, especially if they admitted they lied and they repent and come and ask for your forgiveness. We all tell lies because we’re afraid of the consequences of the truth, but forgiving a person who has lied to us means that we will no longer hold that against them. Not only does it free them, but it releases as you.

How Do I Trust Them Again?

Now, that doesn’t mean that the relationship will return to where it was before. In all honesty, trust takes time to rebuild. What rebuilds trust is trustworthiness. But don’t forget, God calls us to forgive. Forgiving one another is based on God’s forgiveness of us. He doesn’t wait for us to be trustworthy before he forgives us. With that same measure, we should forgive. Remember, the goal of forgiveness is reconciliation, not separation.

Reach Out To Us

Here at Burning Love Ministry, we support you, and we encourage you today to please reach out to us.

You can leave a prayer request there here

You can reach out to us here

You can look at some of the other blogs that we have here.

Find us on social media!

We’re on Facebook; we’re on Instagram, we’re on LinkedIn and YouTube.

You can reach out to Burning Love Outreach on any of these platforms, and we are more than willing to help you.

For those of you who have partnered with us, we thank you so much.

If you haven’t partnered with us and you feel called to, so we can continue to put this word out and continue to help those addicted to drugs and addiction. Please click here to donate.

You don’t have to travel on this journey alone. At Burning Love Outreach, we speak out loud, so others don’t have to suffer in silence. Hold on, and remember don’t give in, don’t give up, and don’t give out.

How To Deal With A Loss Without Turning To Substance Abuse

When we lose someone or something, whether it’s a job or a loved one or a near and dear relationship to us during recovery, it can be not easy and may even trigger the urge to turn to drugs and alcohol to cope. Using a mind-altering substance may feel like the only way to escape the pain, but there are other ways to get through difficult and challenging times.

What To You Do When You’re Faced With Loss And Disappointments

Disappointments in life and losses are going to happen. However, they can be especially difficult for individuals who are in recovery. If you turn to drugs and alcohol to relieve the pain, this will only undo all the hard work you put into your recovery process.

Please use what you have learned and do some of the things that I’m going to recommend today. Continue going to your support groups and your sessions and your meetings. This will only help you cope with your situation and give you the support you need. Call a sponsor or a friend from that support group because they’re there to help you. They are willing to help you through whatever difficult times you may be facing. Avoid letting yourself be exposed to triggering situations, avoid people, avoid places that will make you relapse. Get active, start exercising. That’s a great way to escape. Plus, if you start exercising at least a couple of times a week, this will alter your mood. Start spending time with others. Don’t isolate yourself and have a pity party. This will only make your situation feel worse. Spending time with others is actually great therapy, and it will help you get your mind off of your loss and help with your healing process. Decide to cope with your loss, whatever that loss was, healthily.

What If You Relapse?

You use to rely on drugs and alcohol to deal with life, but that’s not the case anymore. That was your coping mechanism. Now you’re trying to reprogram your behavior, so you can heal in a way in which you can avoid relapse. If you happen to relapse, I want you to seek help as soon as possible. You don’t want to restart the cycle of long-term addiction. Remember, you’re not alone, and help is available.

Reach Out To Us

Here at Burning Love Ministry, we support you, and we encourage you today to please reach out to us.

You can leave a prayer request there here

You can reach out to us here

You can look at some of the other blogs that we have here.

Find us on social media!

We’re on Facebook; we’re on Instagram, we’re on LinkedIn and YouTube.

You can reach out to Burning Love Outreach on any of these platforms, and we are more than willing to help you.

For those of you who have partnered with us, we thank you so much.

If you haven’t partnered with us and you feel called to, so we can continue to put this word out and continue to help those addicted to drugs and addiction. Please click here to donate.

You don’t have to travel this journey alone. At Burning Love Outreach, we speak out loud, so others don’t have to suffer in silence. Remember, don’t give in, don’t give out, and don’t give up.

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How to Regain Trust After Addiction, Lies, and Betrayal

Addition is a Family Disease

Damaged relationships can be repaired after addiction. When one person in a family develops a substance abuse issue, it doesn’t only affect them. No matter what their particular drug of choice happens to be, their addiction is a family disease because everyone is affected.

Someone who is actively using drugs will usually lie about how many drugs they are consuming or even deny that they’re taking drugs at all. This is one of the symptoms of the disease, and it’s quite common for addicts to manipulate loved ones if it means they can get resources such as money and food, a place to stay that will support the addiction.

How to Rebuild Relationships

The key to healing from addiction and rebuilding trust after the addict in your family has hurt all of you, let you down, disappointed you, caused all kinds of chaos more times than you can count is a drug and alcohol treatment program.

Then that individual must take responsibility and deal with the aftermath of events that occurred when they were still using. One thing that must be done is to eliminate any unhealthy relationships. They will do more harm than good. Relationships with individuals who actively use could be the reason that you slip back into relapse.

Addiction is an equal opportunity damager and destroyer of relationships. Anyone close to you has the potential to be affected by substance abuse. Whether it’s your spouse, your parents, your children, and your friends. I’ll give you some tips to use that can help rebuild relationships. The perfect time to start rebuilding burnt bridges, as I call them, with family and friends is in treatment.

Reach out to those people you want to reconnect with. Send an email, send a letter, give a phone call, but you can let them know that you’re in the process of getting your life back on track and you would like for them to be a part of it. Be honest and direct about what you want. Apologize for what has happened and ask for forgiveness, but I don’t want you to beat yourself up over past events.

Once you have asked for forgiveness draw a line through it. Move on. You can’t change the past, but you can move forward from this point and make better decisions. Initiate contact with your loved ones. Your family and friends may be hesitant about contacting you in the early days of your recovery, and trust is probably still an issue with them. Let them know that now you are a healthier version of ourself, free from chemical dependency.

Keep attending your meetings, keep attending your counseling sessions, and then your loved ones will see you walking the walk, and they will see that you are trying to get your life back on track, and you will demonstrate to them that you are serious about your recovery.

You don’t have to discuss what takes place in your sessions, but you can let them know that you’re on the right track. Be patient. It takes time for your loved ones to come around after you have lied to them and betrayed them, and there are trust issues there. They may not believe that you have been transformed by such a short time in treatment, but as time goes by, they will see you making an effort, to be honest, and direct with them. Trust will develop over time.

Moving Forward

Start living in the here and now. Deal with issues in your life as they come up. Don’t let things pile up in your relationships. Be honest and always ask for help if you need it. Additional support is always available, and if you need help, do not hesitate to reach out.

Reach Out To Us

Here at Burning Love Ministry, we support you, and we encourage you today to please reach out to us.

You can leave a prayer request there here

You can reach out to us here

You can look at some of the other blogs that we have here.

Find us on social media!

We’re on Facebook; we’re on Instagram, we’re on LinkedIn and YouTube.

You can reach out to Burning Love Outreach on any of these platforms, and we are more than willing to help you.

For those of you who have partnered with us, we thank you so much.

If you haven’t partnered with us and you feel called to, so we can continue to put this word out and continue to help those addicted to drugs and addiction. Please click here to donate.

Remember, you don’t have to travel on this journey alone. At Burning Love Outreach, we speak out loud, so others don’t have to suffer in silence. Hold on, and remember don’t give in, don’t give up, and don’t give out.

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From a Parents Perspective – Having a Child Addicted to Alcohol and Drugs

Today we are discussing some issues that our guess Tim’s son Jimmy encountered. He passed away in 2011 at the age of 46. He succumbed to many years of alcohol and drug abuse. We are having a discussion about that tonight and how it made Tim feel from a parent’s perspective and the heartache he encountered.

Jimmy’s Childhood

Both my wife, June, and I had our businesses. We were retailers in a small town and demanded a lot of our time. So the kids were pretty much left on their own. They’d get off the bus at the end of a 500-foot laneway and go in and wait for us to get home at six or seven o’clock, five nights a week. We often didn’t get home till nine or ten because we were open till nine on Thursday and Friday. The Retail hours were long and hard, and we didn’t have enough time to spend with the children and raising them. I imagine that’s part of the problem that led to Jimmy’s abuse of various drugs and alcohol. Unfortunately, there are probably many people in the same situation that June and I, we’re in. You’re trying to work and supply a living for the family. Unfortunately, sometimes, if you don’t have a support system close to helping you look after them, children are often left alone.

I had gone to church as a child and stopped going in my early teenage years, as was the case with many people. June wasn’t raised in a church-going home. So we didn’t attend church as a family. It was a kind of an awkward situation. She just wasn’t interested in going. She didn’t feel compelled to do so. However, I tried to get us involved in a church in town. I had a good friend who was a pastor there, and he and I would spend a lot of time talking. But as a family, we did not attend. We probably went to church maybe half a dozen times as a family.

I never drank with Jimmy, and I didn’t know what marijuana was back then. But we did play on many sports teams together, and he would go off with a few members of the club and have a few pints, I guess. But he never really drank in front of me. I never saw him drink as a teenager for sure. Later on, of course. It’s funny, as close as we were and as much time as we spent together, I never really saw him drinking. I saw him in a drunken state a few times but never witnessed him using alcohol or marijuana. It wasn’t until later on, when he was away, that he got involved with some harder drugs.

Trying To Get Him Help

June was more involved and more instrumental in trying to get him help. He was institutionalized a couple of times through KMH and Browns in Toronto. He’d come out after a 30-day stint and go on a binge to celebrate his new freedom. We didn’t seek the right kind of help. We weren’t able to be on the same page and help him.

But most of what was done for him at that time was done by my wife. He and I didn’t communicate about his problems. I guess I was in a state of denial. First off, I didn’t understand addiction. I prided myself in having tried a lot of things but never really got hooked on anything. I didn’t understand addiction and couldn’t share or talk to Jimmy about the problem. As I say, we were close in many ways in that we played a lot of sports together, but there wasn’t a father/son relationship where I could help him. I think the main thing for people is that they have to share the problem with parents who have a child with a problem. They have to open up. They have to have the child open up and share and get involved in a program of some sort, whether through church or school, and work with the child. I, unfortunately, didn’t do that with Jimmy.

Jimmy was married, and unfortunately, he was given a sort of an ultimatum. After a couple of years of marriage, his wife gave him an ultimatum and said, either you quit drinking, or we split. Jimmy chose to split. I know that I’ve talked to her recently, and she looks back on it and thinks that maybe the ultimatum wasn’t the way to go.

What You Need To Know About Addiction

Many people don’t understand addiction, and they don’t realize that it’s an illness. It’s a sickness. It’s an illness. It’s a disease. It’s something that needs to be treated. I looked at it as bad behavior rather than something they couldn’t control or that they were addicted to.

Sometimes, addictions are attributed to some traumatic trauma that we’ve had in our lives or something. It’s a cry for help. It is a cry for help. And the individual, whoever is suffering, needs help. They’re sick; they’re ill. A lot of people look at it as bad behavior. Or some people would look at the addicted person and say, “You know what? You need to get your life together. It’s something deeper than that, and they need help. They are sick. It’s an illness, just like someone with cancer. If you’re diagnosed with cancer, you’re going to the doctor. They are going to treat that cancer. When someone has an addiction to alcohol and drugs, they need help. They need to have a cure for that.

It’s so important that we would be more in-tuned and more compassionate and more loving and reach out and not give up on them. Yes, they hurt the family a lot. They do a lot of bad things. But it’s not them. It is the drug. The mind-altering drug that they are dealing with makes them do all these different things.

Health Issues

Jimmy’s main problem was that his liver deteriorated substantially, and he was in line for a liver transplant for a couple of years before his death. Finally, it was all arranged, and there was a liver available. He went into the hospital and got a virus in the hospital. That’s really what took him down. He never did get his transplant. He passed. Before this happened, I visited him with two pastors from my church. They talked about his passing, his dying, and talked about Jesus. Then Jimmy accepted Jesus as his Lord and savior.

I remember I had this jersey, a special jersey that I had for Jimmy because he loved hockey. We both love hockey, and I had a jersey for him that I wanted to give to him. I remember being upset that I didn’t get a chance to give him his jersey. But I gave him something else. I gave him the chance to receive salvation. That is the best gift that he could have received. This happened on one particular day, and the next day Jimmy transitioned. He had received Jesus as his Lord and Savior, which is incredible news. I mean, despite how much we love him, how much we miss him, and no parent ever wants to lose a child, I tell you that was the best news that you could have given me, that I could have heard, was the fact that he received his salvation. So we knew when he transitioned, where he was.

If you have a child that is struggling with addiction it is so important to thoroughly understand addiction and how to help them. Watch the interview to hear Tim tell the whole story of his son Jimmy’s struggle with drugs and addiction and how he learned how to cope with the loss of his son.

Reach Out To Us

Here at Burning Love Ministry, we support you, and we encourage you today to please reach out to us.

You can leave a prayer request there here

You can reach out to us here

You can look at some of the other blogs that we have here.

Find us on social media!

We’re on Facebook; we’re on Instagram, we’re on LinkedIn and YouTube.

You can reach out to Burning Love Outreach on any of these platforms, and we are more than willing to help you.

For those of you who have partnered with us, we thank you so much.

If you haven’t partnered with us and you feel called to, so we can continue to put this word out and continue to help those addicted to drugs and addiction. Please click here to donate.

You don’t have to travel on this journey alone. At Burning Love Outreach, we speak out loud, so others don’t have to suffer in silence. Hold on, and remember don’t give in, don’t give up, and don’t give out.

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