Marriage is a beautiful commitment between two people, and it can be filled with many emotional times, such as happy times, sad times, exciting times, and even difficult times. When couples are joined together as one, there is a promise made to stick it out through the good times and the bad times. However, if one of them becomes a victim of addiction, that marriage will most likely be in trouble. Addiction will negatively impact any relationship making it hard to decide if you should stay or if you should go.
Should I Leave or Should I Stay?
I’m a believer that once you commit to your spouse, you have promised to be with them. You have made a promise before God, and you have made a promise before them, so you should do everything in your power to make it work as long as you can remain safe. Many in this predicament often wonder, “Should I leave or should I stay?” but honestly, it all depends on your particular individual circumstances. I highly recommend that you seek spiritual counseling; however, it may be time to leave if there’s a danger to yourself or others. You don’t want to put yourself or your children in a dangerous situation.
What is a Dangerous Situation?
If the user is verbally or physically abusing anyone in the family, you’re in a dangerous situation. If they use drugs in front of other family members, if they are stealing, or if money or things, such as electronics or valuables all of a sudden become missing, and if you find that the user is always involved in chaos and confusion because of their substance abuse, you and your children could be in danger.
Now, we all have different tolerance levels. Some people will tolerate it more than others. For some of us, it only takes one sign of danger towards our family, especially our children, for us to decide to leave or to stay. At the same time, someone else may experience all the signs that it’s time to leave, and they still may be confused as to what they should be doing in this situation. Let me make this clear. If anyone’s safety is at stake, then it is time to seriously consider leaving. Sometimes it may be best to leave a relationship with an addicted spouse. When you can have time and space from one another, this often allows the non-user to experience life without dealing with addiction issues and their consequences.
Living With An Addicted Spouse?
Let me be brutally honest with you. It’s pure hell living with the person who has addiction issues. I’ve been on both sides of this. I’ve been the non-user and the user. If you decide to separate yourself from the addicted spouse, maybe that’s the wake-up call they’ll need, and it will open their eyes to get them back on track where they need to be and ask for help. Just because you decide to leave doesn’t mean that you have left the relationship for good. Try not to decide to leave your addicted spouse when you are angry or upset. Be in a calm state of mind whenever you have to make crucial decisions. You should carefully think about all your options and what is overall best for your family.
Many people try to stick it out for various reasons, such as for the sake of the children, because of financial reasons, because of their living situation, or they may be afraid of the unknown. Picking up and possibly having to start their lives all over again with children, that’s not an easy decision to make.
The Benefits of Leaving?
Look, no matter how you slice this cake if children are involved, leaving will become more difficult, or you may be that person who decides, “Because of my children, I must leave.” Kids know what’s going on. No matter how hard we try to protect and keep things from them, we can’t fool them. Don’t think they can’t sense or feel what’s happening in the home. They know when things are not right, and they absorb everything. If they are subjected to constant arguing, bickering, fighting, and abuse, they may be scarred emotionally, and you don’t want your children scarred. This is why it is essential to get the user into a treatment program to heal and be suitable for their family.
Becoming A Single Parent?
What if the addicted spouse is the primary breadwinner in the family? This is hard for individuals who find themselves in this situation because they know they will struggle on their own, and who wants to struggle? You know what? They choose to stay because they feel like they have no other choice. Having a place to call home that’s security and without that security, staying with the addicted spouse seems like the only option, especially when you have children to consider.
Leaving can be overwhelming, and I highly recommend you seek counseling. No matter what, remember, help is always available. The final decision whether to stay or to leave is up to the non-addicted spouse. Hopefully, the active user will realize that they need help and are willing to help their problem before it destroys their life. Treatment can provide what is necessary for a successful recovery. Relationships can get better if both parties are willing to work hard and get the proper help that they need.
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You don’t have to travel on this journey alone. At Burning Love Outreach, we speak out loud, so others don’t have to suffer in silence. Hold on, and remember don’t give in, don’t give up, and don’t give out.